Sex Toys Galore!
How Suzanne Noble Became a Sex Toy Expert at 64
Hello my lovely orgasm-havers,
Today I have something different for you - a guest post from another Substack creator, one whom I greatly admire for her forthright, sex-positive writing and podcasting as well as her entrepreneurial spirit.
Suzanne Noble is the creator of the Sex Advice for Seniors Substack and Podcast as well as one or two other business ventures. She has inspired me from the moment I saw her post about her wonderful situationship and I look forward to an active and pleasurable sex life into my future thanks to her work.
Suzanne is writing today about her experiences as a sex toy reviewer. I hope you enjoy the post and for those of you who are not already subscribed, consider subscribing for free or upgrading to paid to get access to Suzanne’s sensational Sex Toy Guide, which she talks about below. Over to you, Suzanne!
Believe it or not, you can have too many sex toys. I know because I have boxes upon boxes of them, most gathering dust. Ironically, this means I spend more time cleaning them than actually using them.
I can’t pinpoint when I bought my first toy, but I do vividly recall finding one in my twenties. It was a hard plastic, large, bullet-shaped vibrator in a cream colour, tucked away in my mum’s nightwear drawer. It required two or three massive batteries and had a twistable knob at the bottom to turn it on. It operated on a single speed. Out of curiosity, I switched it on, then carefully placed it back where I’d found it (and my mum wouldn’t notice it had been moved!).
Fast forward to my early forties, at a particularly drunken dinner party hosted by my friends John and Anna. Midway through the evening, we came up with what we thought was a brilliant idea: a sex toy shop called Fuck, with the website fucktheshop.com. John, who ran a reputable guerrilla marketing agency, joked that the shop would be shut down almost instantly, generating enough buzz to catapult the website to success. Not being a fan of working in retail or ever wanting to work in retail, the whole idea of standing on my feet all day being unappealing, I countered, “Why don’t we skip the shop and just build the website?”
John’s team of talented web designers brought the idea to life, and within a couple of months, the site was up and running. I found myself managing a sex toy website alongside my entertainment PR agency, sourcing products from various suppliers before "drop shipping" was even a mainstream term. This was back in 2003, the early days of the internet, and I was suddenly surrounded by rabbit vibes, bullets, remote-controlled clitoral stimulators, and dildos in every size, texture, and material imaginable.
However, as a PR consultant, I should’ve known better: marketing a site with the word fuck in the title was a nightmare. The mainstream media wouldn’t touch us, and driving traffic to the site was next to impossible.
Running that business was a crash course in the challenges of e-commerce and the nuances of sex toys. Looking back, I suspect much of what we sold wouldn’t have passed modern quality control standards. Many toys were made from subpar plastics that could release toxic chemicals in intimate areas. Motors were basic and often had only one speed, while batteries drained far too quickly. I remember meeting the founders of Rocks Off, who showed me a prostate massager made from white medical-grade silicone—a ground breaking material for sex toys at the time. Now, of course, it’s the industry standard.
Three years later, after publishing my bestselling erotic memoir, The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker, in 2006, I started blogging to engage readers and boost book sales. I hired some brilliant designers to create a website for me, and before long, I had amassed thousands of followers who loved my steamy, real-life stories. (I recently revisited a few via the Wayback Machine, and wow, were they explicit!) Sex toy companies, including the wonderful JoDivine.com, began reaching out to send me products to review. I was astonished that people were willing to send me free toys.
My collection grew rapidly, eventually becoming the centrepiece of a stand-up comedy routine I performed very briefly on London’s Open Mic circuit. (I’m an early morning person and came to the realisation after half a dozen late night gigs that the only comedy event I could handle would be one that started at 11 AM). I’d hold up a massive, double-ended dildo and ask, “Double ended dildo… or draught excluder?” Then I’d brandish a butt plug and quip, “Butt plug… or doorstop?” Later, in 2011, many of my sex toys found a new purpose as props in a sketch for a show called Looser Women, which I co-wrote for the Edinburgh Festival. After the show, they were never returned to me and are likely still gathering dust in some prop storage warehouse. By that time, my collection was so vast that their absence was barely noticeable.
I took a break from writing about sex toys and my personal life for several years after that. But in 2022, my interest in both topics reignited, thanks to a combination of hormonal balance and the launch of my podcast, Sex Advice for Seniors, which I co-hosted back then with my friend-with-benefits, Peter. Both in our 60s, we wanted to share our joy of sex with an older audience who may have lost sight of its multiple benefits. The podcast quickly gained traction, and as the audience and associated social media platforms grew, so did the attention from sex toy manufacturers. Once again, companies eagerly sent me products to review.
Just like a decade earlier, my collection expanded at an almost alarming rate. I found myself surrounded by more toys than I could ever reasonably use, unless I transformed into a full-time lady of leisure, dedicating every waking moment to pleasuring myself or others. The industry, too, had evolved significantly, becoming more sophisticated and attuned (both literally and figuratively) to the needs of customers who demanded more than the basic functionality that earlier toys had offered.
Visit any reputable sex toy website today, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the sheer variety of options, especially if you’re a first-time buyer. There are now thousands of products on the market, and while many still rely on similar motors, the differences in design, performance, and features are substantial. From the way vibrations are distributed across a product to the choice of materials and the decision between battery-operated or USB-rechargeable devices, the options can feel endless.
Men’s toys, in particular, have seen a dramatic leap in innovation. Gone are the days when options were limited to the ubiquitous Fleshlight. Today, there are toys designed for men who enjoy prostate play, as well as high-tech masturbators that support those dealing with erectile dysfunction. New materials have been developed to enhance self-pleasure, providing a more realistic and satisfying experience. Remote-controlled toys have also gained popularity, offering couples the ability to spice up their sex lives both in the bedroom and in more adventurous public settings.
For women, rabbit vibes and toys designed for vaginal penetration now come in high-quality, body-safe materials that are suitable for internal use. Meanwhile, the relatively new category of clit-sucking devices has been a game changer. These products are incredibly effective, especially for older women who may find it harder to achieve orgasm as they age.
After two decades immersed in the world of intimate wellness, I've distilled my hard-won wisdom into what many are calling a game-changer for seniors seeking pleasure and connection. Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life is now available.
Why this guide matters now: My comprehensive booklet demystifies the often overwhelming landscape of sexual wellness tools, empowering you to reclaim joy and intimacy in your mature years. Beyond mere product recommendations, I share authentic insights from personal exploration and countless conversations with others who've transformed their relationships through these discoveries.
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Great post... Loved it. Agree that it can be overwhelming if you don't know what to look for.
Reading hot and stimulating stories is part of the context, however, it is essential that the partnership is in full harmony, from the first lick to the last penetration.